


A Sky Full of Stars

by starlight_solo



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Background Finn/Rose Tico - Freeform, Canon-Typical Violence, DON'T BE SUSPICIOUS, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Shenanigans (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, KOR are funny af and you cannot convince me otherwise, Leia does not approve of this mess, Literal Sleeping Together, Not too Graphic Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Secret Marriage, Secret Relationship, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unwilling Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, What if we ruled the galaxy together from opposite sides of a war?, canonverse, figurative sleeping together too, original characters: knights of ren - Freeform, tags updated as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:26:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29213385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlight_solo/pseuds/starlight_solo
Summary: Two months after the events of Crait, the force connects a guilt-ridden Rey and an unwilling Supreme Leader. Both unwilling to let go again, the two make some choices. The consequences will shake the galaxy.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	A Sky Full of Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the canonverse fic I've had floating around in my brain since first seeing TLJ. Hope you enjoy my epic space opera.

_The smell of smoke filled the air and strips of burning red velvet fell to the ground like the ghostly apparitions of the praetorian guards who lay dead around them. The metal walls of the throne room creaked ominously around as the flames lapped at their panels, suggesting further danger to come._

_Ben stood staring at the throne, turning to face her oh so painfully slowly. His eyes were like fires and she wanted to run to him; to dive into their chocolate depths and forget the world. But something stopped her._

_Then Ben spoke and his words were like a blade of ice. Talking of her parents. Speaking words she could not accept, yet knew in her heart were true. Her tears burned her cheeks through the smoke and ash that covered them. His words whirled around Rey like the ashes, adding to the dazed, dreamlike quality of the moment. Rey felt as if she were watching herself from afar, no longer in control of what her body would or even could do._

_And then he said the words._

_“You’re nothing, but not to me.”_

_It was only them in the universe and the universe was them. His hand outstretched, asking, no begging, for her love. Her own hand reaching back, seeking his out for a fraction of a second…_

Rey woke with a start, jolting upright in her small Resistance cot, her body dripping with sweat that wasn’t from the humid jungle air. Tears tingled in the corners of her eyes as the memories played out before her again.

Every night since leaving the Supremacy, Rey had dreamed this dream, always waking before she could call the saber from his hand. It was a memory she hated, not because of Ben’s betrayal, but because of her own. She had wanted to take his hand, badly. So, so badly. She still did and it ate away at her. She felt wrong, like she was betraying the Resistance. But being without Ben felt worse.

They hadn’t spoked in two months and the First Order was laying low. Other than the knowledge that Snoke was dead, no new intel could be obtained. Whether Ben was even alive Rey couldn’t be sure although she felt certain she would know it if he wasn’t. Their tyrannical rule had so far continued as if nothing had changed. The First Order hadn’t even stated how Snoke died, simply saying that Kylo Ren was now Supreme Leader.

Rey heaved a sigh. There would be no more sleep for her tonight. With yet another sigh, Rey rolled off of her bed, flicking on the light and reaching into her small dresser to extract the two broken halves of her saber. The stark lights cast a sickly glow across the room as she stared mournfully at the broken halves of the lightsaber. They had done this, wrenching it in two with their shear will power and the force.

She shifted the parts around slowly. The two halves of the casing with the burned, jagged split where they had broken it. A few lose pieces and parts that had fallen off of the saber since she had tried to work on it. And, of course, the two halves of the clear blue crystal. She had examined them in detail, turning them over in her hands under the stark light of her small room. The edges were jagged, she had cut her hand on one of them a day earlier and the bandages still wrapped her palm. Within the heart of the crystals, Rey could see faint specks of red which stood out against the cool blue surrounding them.

Rey unwound the bandages that covered her palm. The wound was still fresh from her experimentation with the crystal yesterday. She ran her index finger down the clean slit that ran across her palm, gasping slightly at the twinge of pain. She hadn’t told the Resistance about the injury, instead opting to bandage it herself just as she had on Jakku. Something about the crystals felt to personal and even going to get bacta felt like revealing something to close to herself to the medic team.

She hadn’t told the Resistance that she was struggling to fix the saber either. Leia probably had an inkling, but to Finn, and her new found friend, Rose, Rey had said not a peep about the difficulty she faced. It wasn’t that the saber parts were particularly difficult to assemble. It was more her own fear. The crystals had cracked, splitting completely in half, and she had no idea how to manage them or what they would do.

She had collected other parts, casings and fittings and even welding materials, but the crystals themselves scared her.

_I didn’t want to be your jedi. I didn’t ask for any of this._

She re-wrapped her hand briskly, shaking away those thoughts and rising to her feet.

_It doesn’t matter if I didn’t want it, I’m stuck with it now._

She grabbed the text she’d taken from Luke from the cubby in her small bedside table. They were thick and old with fragile pages covered in dense writing, most of it written in a script she struggled to read despite her competent literacy. So far they had been of little help, providing a few insights on the actual construction of a lightsaber and on focusing and channeling the force, but withholding any knowledge they contained pertaining to broken crystals and their stability. The books also hadn’t explained the flecks of red marring the crystals.

Rey flipped through the pages, trying to be careful with their frayed and worn edges, as she searched for any piece of insight they could offer. The morning waxed on and her frustration grew, aching inside her like a scar that wouldn’t heal. She knew what she wanted, but that was what she couldn’t have. She also knew that Ben, stupid Ben, would probably be able to tell her not only about what to do with the crystals, but also why they were speckled.

_You kriffing idiot. Why couldn’t you just come with me? Why did you want to stay?_

Tears pickled her eyes. It felt wrong cursing him. Ben had made a choice and it hurt, but she had made a choice too. Rey had wanted to stay; wanted to grab his hand and wrap herself up in his arms and just hide from the world. But she had felt like she couldn’t. The Resistance had sent her to find Luke and to train with him. They wanted a jedi, not an empress. And she had chosen to be what they wanted, even if it meant giving up the thing she wanted so deeply.

Brushing away the tears trailing down her cheeks, Rey straightened herself on the small cot, closing her eyes and trying to center herself in the Force. In the silence, she reached out for their connection, imagining it as a golden thread that tied her to Ben. And she followed it, tugging gently to see if she would get a response, but her mind came up against a wall. It was like black marble, with flecks of gold and red flashing through it and, in her mind’s eye, Rey reached out to touch it, seeking a way through. The barrier was impenetrable, except for brief flashes of emotion pain, hurt, anger, but mostly sadness. A deep sadness filtered through the steel walls that Ben had put around himself. A sadness so great, he couldn’t keep it in.

Rey’s eyes snapped open and she gasped, tumbling back onto her cot. She had reached out once before, only to find herself utterly blocked. But this time, this time she had gotten a glimpse. He had used all of his emotions to lock her out and yes there was the anger and hatred she expected, but more then that there was pain and sadness. A pain that matched her own and a sadness that seemed to run even deeper. The feeling of being so alone that there would never be a true feeling of belonging again.

Rey rolled back onto the cot so that she faced the wall, burrowing into the pillows and thin sheets around her. She wasn’t going to cry again. She wouldn’t. She had made her choice, but oh how she wished she could go back right now. She didn’t want to be alone and, as much as Finn and Rose were her friends, she was alone.

Stifling her faint sobs, Rey dozed back into a fitful sleep, haunted by unsaid words and untouched feelings.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A fierce banging on her door roused Rey for second time that morning. She tumbled out of bed, tripping over the parts of the broken lightsaber she had left strewn on her floor in her rush to answer the door. Yanking it open a crack, Rey came face to face, or nearly, with Rose Tico.

“Are you okay?” she asked, a look of mild shock contorting her sweet features.

Whatever Rose had originally been planning to say seemed to have been replace with the sight of Rey.

“Yeah, sure,” Rey said.

Rey was fairly certain she looked a mess, but she didn’t really care. Rose could think whatever she wanted.

“Are you sure, Rey?” Rose pushed; her brows creased slightly with worry. “You missed Leia’s general meeting and you’ve never slept this late before.”

“I’m sure,” Rey said. “I couldn’t sleep until nearly dawn, sorry. Give me a minute and I’ll be ready. Hold on.”

Rey grabbed her clothes, pulling them on and throwing her sleep clothes onto her cot. She pulled her hair into her three buns without a thought, leaving tendrils flying loose. Rushing back to the door and slipping her boots, she turned back to the room to hurriedly shove the loose saber parts under her cot before heading back out to meet Rose in the hallway.

Rose glanced over Rey quickly, but just shrugged as the two walked towards the meeting room. As they entered, Finn glanced up, smiling. He and Rose had become very close over the last few months. Rey was happy for them. Rose had been through so much and Finn deserved someone to love him unconditionally. But sometimes seeing their joy made Rey just a little sad. Not because she was jealous. No. Rey didn’t hold any resentment towards either of them, she just wished that she could run back to Ben’s arms the way Rose did with Finn. She wished he was there to spin her around.

“You okay?” Finn asked. “The General was surprised you weren’t here earlier. Not that it was a big deal really. The First Order is still pretty much MIA. The few contacts we have with intel seem to be suggesting there’s some major shake up going on.”

Rey nodded before Finn continued.

“Leia did want to know how that saber is coming along though,” he paused a moment. “She said Rose or one of the other technicians can take a look at it if you need.”

“It’s fine, Finn. I have the saber under control, I just need to assemble a few parts now.” Rey said hurriedly.

It was a half lie, but she preferred that to admitting she needed help with it to her friends.

“Okay!” Finn said cheerily. “Just as long as your happy. You know you’ll need it when you face _him_ again and with the First Order acting as shady as it is right now, who knows when that could be.”

With a nod, she assented to Finn’s statement. He rambled on a few minutes longer, but Rey was hardly listening. Instead, her mind wandered back to his words. She would have to face Ben one day on a battle field and it was a day she loathed. She would have to fight him and would be expected to kill him. Rey cringed internally at the thought.

_I’m going to fail them._ She thought, before pulling her mind back to the present.

The rest of the day passed in fits and starts, seeming to drag on endlessly only for Rey to have to rush off and do something that couldn’t wait. But her mind kept trailing back to Ben and the saber parts she had shoved under her cot that morning and the knowledge that she would be expected to kill him one day, probably very soon.

She contemplated this fact while she rewired an X-Wing and helped Rose fix a console, burning her hand in her distraction. But, if anyone noticed she seemed more clumsy than usual, they didn’t mention it, most likely assuming it was caused by her bad night. She would catch Rose glancing her way with a worried look from time to time, but she would always look away as soon as she saw that Rey had noticed.

By that evening, Rey was physically exhausted. Rose had hugged her quickly, asking if she needed anything before they had turned in for the night. Rey had declined and then watched Rose and Finn walk away hand in hand. Her friends were adorable, but it was a little stab in the heart watching them so happy.

Her exhaustion overwhelming her, Rey didn’t bother bathing, instead she pulled of her tunic and arm wraps, tossing them in a pile on the floor followed quickly by her pants. She quickly washed her face, using her fingers to detangle her thick hair. She hadn’t cut it and it was growing faster than before with the improved nutrition at the Resistance base. She took a moment to glance at herself in the mirror. Thin body scattered with scars, thick dark hair that fell just below her shoulders, hazel eyes. Rey had barely known what she looked like before coming to the Resistance, only knowing her own reflection from the briefest glimpses in polished metal or a shard of mirrored glass. She still wasn’t sure what to make of herself.

_It doesn’t matter anyway. He didn’t choose you. And you didn’t choose him either._

She pulled on the loose tunic and loose dark pants she slept in. The tunic was the one she had worn to the Supremacy; the one Ben had given her in the hut on Ach-to when she was soaked to the skin and he was the only one who would listen. The pants were some loose dark material and she had found them in a storage cabinet on the Falcon.

She settled herself onto the floor of her room and pulled the saber parts out from where she had thrown them. Grabbing a wrench from her work bag, Rey started disassembling the old, burned casing. She still wasn’t sure what to do with the saber, but at least she could occupy her mind with this.

As she worked, she tried to meditate, letting the Force guide her motions and actions. The forest sounds that usually drifted into her room gradually faded away as she focused. As a particularly difficult part of the casing popped free, Rey became aware of the silence. It was deafening in a way that was oh so familiar and yet so strange. Within a second, she had dropped the tools and sprung to her feet.

The Force had answered her, connecting them once more.

Turning away from the tools on the floor, Rey eyes came to rest on a large form facing away from her.

“Ben…” she breathed, cautiously stepping across the gap between them.

“I don’t really feel like doing this right now,” he said, his voice rough with tears or sleep.

“Ben…” Rey said again. “Please look at me.”

It wasn’t how she wanted to begin a conversation, but he was just standing and refusing to face her. She wanted, no needed, to see his face again.

“I already said, I don’t want to do this now.”

“I can’t control it Ben. You know that just as well as I do.”

His shoulders seemed to tense at her words, but he still did not turn.

“Ben please,” Rey begged. She could feel the tears welling in eyes at this rejection. “Please just look at me.”

“So, you can call me monster and hurl insults across the stars at me?” he asked, a touch of bitterness in his tone.

“No, Ben. No. I just want to talk. I miss you.” The last words were said in an almost whisper.

“You miss me? You left me, Rey. You left me for dead on Snoke’s throne room floor?”

His tone was laced with pain and anger, but above all else was sadness. Ben radiated it like a furnace radiates heat.

“I didn’t leave you for dead,” Rey shot back.

He made a small sound at that, somewhere between a groan and a sigh.

“Why couldn’t you just come back? Why did you have to be so kriffing stubborn?” Rey asked with a sigh of frustration.

His voice was laced with tears as he spoke again. “You just want me to go back to the Resistance with you. Do you think they would have wanted me? Do you think my mother would have wanted me?”

“Of course she would, Ben. Leia misses you.”

“No, Rey. You don’t see it do you. You still don’t understand. I killed…” his voice caught and Rey could see his shoulders shake as he spoke. “Rey, I killed Han. I killed my dad. It doesn’t make a difference to them that I hate myself for it every day. To them, I killed Luke’s students. Who would they believe? Their generals and Luke Skywalker or a First Order deserted who killed his own father.”

“Leia still wants you, Ben. I know it. I can feel it.” Rey begged. “You could come back now.”

“Even if she still wants me, Rey. She can’t overrule the other generals. She can’t just forgive me and expect everyone to fall in line with her.”

“Why couldn’t you just come home?” Rey begged, tears trickling down her cheeks once more. “Why did you have to demand I join the First Order? Why? You know I couldn’t. I didn’t ask to be their jedi, but I couldn’t leave them for that.”

Rey’s tears were fully flowing now, leaving trails down her cheeks. She closed her eyes, heaving a sigh as more sobs wracked her body, and when she opened them again, Ben had turned to face her. His own eyes were filled with a pain to match her own.

“I didn’t want that,” he breathed, his voice catching. “Just you. All I ever wanted was you. And to leave; leave it all and never look back.”

Rey closed her eyes, shaking her head at his words. Maybe he’d meant that, but then it was even worse because they could be a million miles away from here together instead of where they were now.

Then, to Rey’s shock, warm arms embraced her. Ben pulled her close, cradling her against his broad chest and whispering something over and over into her hair.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” He said through tears.

She could feel the dampness of his own tears against her scalp, but she didn’t care. Instead, wrapping her arms around his middle and burrowing further into his embrace.

“Rey, I…” he started, but cut himself off mid-sentence instead. “I failed you. I left you no choice but to leave.”

“I failed you too,” Rey whispered into his chest. “I wanted to believe that you’d come back with me, but I couldn’t understand why you couldn’t. I wanted to change you, when I didn’t need to change anything. I just needed to look closer at what was right in front of me.”

They fell silent after that, standing there in each other’s arms, with tears still tailing down their cheeks. After what could have been minutes or hours, Rey couldn’t tell.

“I don’t want to let you…” she said. “Don’t lock me out again. Ever.”

“You don’t want that really. You should be free of me. Free of everything I am.”

“ _No._ ”

“If your friends find out, the traitor and the others. They won’t trust you, Rey. You could be in danger.”

“No.”

“Just let me go.” He pleaded.

“No.”

“Rey, I’m a monster. Why?”

“No. You listen, Ben Solo.” Rey insisted, her resolve solidified. “You’re all I have now. You’re the only one who really cared. I don’t care what you do, just don’t lock yourself away from me. Do you understand?”

After a moment, she could feel him nod his head. She almost missed the “yes” he whispered into her hair.

Rey could feel her body giving out. The day had worn her out and their conversation and pushed her over the final edge of exhaustion. She slumped against Ben fully, feeling him lift her up, one arm behind her back and the other beneath her knees.

“Is it night where you are?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“You should sleep.”

“I don’t want you to leave again,” Rey said.

“I’ll stay with you as long as the Force lets me. Okay?” he asked.

Rey nodded.

“The bed is over by the far wall.” She gestured vaguely in the direction of her caught.

Ben crossed the room in a few strides, gently placing her on the cot, propped against her pillows. He climbed onto the bed afterwards, compressing his long limbs to fit.

“Are you sitting on something where you are? Or will you fall if the force disconnects us?” Rey asked.

“I’m sitting on my bed in my quarters,” he said with an almost laugh. “Our Beds seem to line up through the force.”

Rey nodded, reaching out and taking both of his hands in hers.

“I’ve never seen you without the arm wraps,” Ben said after a few minutes of watching her with a contemplative expression.

“Well, now you have,” Rey said. “There’s not much to see, just skinny arms and scars.”

“Is that one from the throne room?” he asked motioning towards her right bicep a hand he’d freed from her grasp.

Rey nodded.

“Can I touch it?” he asked and Rey nodded again, a smile pulling at her lips from his odd request.

His fingertips were soft as he gently circled the scar. She had kept it covered during the day, feeling like it was something special and secret, just for her own viewing. And now Ben’s.

He had leaned closer to her to see the scar and Rey examined his features as he did so. His eyes were sad, seeming to carry the weight of worlds in them. He cheek was still marred by the scar she had given him. His jaw was covered a thing layer of stubble and his lips where slightly parted as he leaned closer to her, as if in awe. 

Without a thought, Rey lifted her own hand to his face, taking him by surprise as she traced the scar she had given him with her fingers. It ran down his cheek and, as her hand came to his chin, she shifted slightly, cupping his face with her hand.

He didn’t protest, staring at her as if mesmerized. And then Rey leaned forward, capturing his lips in a kiss. He hummed, winding his arm around her and pulling her closer into his lap. And Rey smiled into the kiss, pushing her tongue just into his mouth and feeling him tense a little before relaxing into it. She kissed him until she couldn’t breathe, until her lungs ordered her to stop. And when she pulled away from him, Rey was greeted by the most beautiful sight, Ben smiled.

She traced her hand over his cheek again, pushing it into his hair and running it down his jaw. And then Ben grabbed her hand and pressed the palm of her hand to his lips, smiling at her all the while.

When he released her hand again, his eyes sobered.

“You should sleep, Rey.” He said, almost sadly.

“Will you stay?” she asked.

“If you want me to,” came his quiet response.

Rey nodded before shifting her body so that she forced Ben to lie down by the wall. She pulled the thin sheets up around them, wrapping her own body in a cocoon of Ben’s warmth. He kept his arms firmly wrapped around her, pulling her into his chest and breathing warm air into her hair.

With a click, Rey flicked the light off and the room descended into total darkness, save the sliver of light shining through Rey’s small window.

And that night Rey slept. She slept more soundly than she had ever remembered sleeping in her life. No nightmares came to haunt her. No memories of words spoken in a burning throne room. Only deep blissful sleep.

When she awoke, Ben was gone, leaving nothing but the shadow of warmth and a vague scent of something uniquely him in his wake.


End file.
